Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
