Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
