yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize