After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
