dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I believe in your delicious
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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