The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
