Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
