Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my being single is dangerous.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You can't just leave with hair like that
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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