her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
