I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
