I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
