Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
