Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
