Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I am naked and annoyed.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
