if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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