the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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