dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
