sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
