You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
