So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
