sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
