If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize