some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
