i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
