break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
