nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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