I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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