You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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