wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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