I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
