Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
