woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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