Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
