I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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