I accidentally had phone sex last night
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
