I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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