I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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