i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
well most of my day revolves around power hour
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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