Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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