So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
