my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
