Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
