32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
