First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
