Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
