My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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