Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
