Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
