Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The struggles of a small town man whore
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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