I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
