I looked at my own cervix.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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