I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
