My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize