My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
