bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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