drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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