drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
