a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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