omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize