I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
