Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My bed smells like the plague
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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