My Higher Power is John Stamos
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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