porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
