i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
