My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
why didn't you poke me back
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize