dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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