I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
