You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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