Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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