is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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