Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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