i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
