She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
