paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
