I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
