i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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