Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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