fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
