She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
