let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
