We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
