Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
