Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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