i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
