i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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