foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
