So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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