i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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