Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
