is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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