I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
