i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize