you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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