im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
