I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
