he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
