So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
