At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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