had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
