I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my being single is dangerous.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
